I had pretty much resigned myself to the end of blogging, but then something Dina wrote stuck with me. She asked readers to share a time that God had smiled on them.
At the time, I was in a pretty deep funk. I thought and thought and could not think of a moment in which I felt God smiling.
Pretty silly, huh? (To put it nicely.)
I know that my life is abundantly full. I know that I have SO much to be thankful for, every second of every day. And yet, I just could not bring up the feeling in myself.
And then a terrible tragedy happened to someone I know and care for. While I grieved for my friend, I was shocked into realizing the embarrassment of riches in my life and how terribly, horribly ungrateful I had been.
That night, I wrapped my arms around my son in a tight embrace. I pressed my cheek against his chest and listened to his heart beating. The steady thud-thud-thud connected me instantly with the moment that I first saw that heartbeat. Having conceived Nico via the miracle of modern medicine, we had gone for an ultrasound at the earliest moment possible. What we saw on the computer screen looked like a tiny, single grain of rice. It shone white against the greyish background of my womb. It was pulsing with light. Before he had a heart with four chambers, before he had even a head or a torso or fingers or toes, there was his heartbeat. The same heartbeat thudding steadily now against my ear.
In that moment, I felt my answer to Dina's question. Yes, I have felt God smiling on me. Let me never forget it, ever again.
And on this Christmas Eve, I wish you a very merry holiday, and a new year filled with grace and joy.